my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just want nice things and good sex
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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