i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
