just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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