just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
