i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Randomize
