so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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