you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she peed on how many people?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
