the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
