I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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