I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
