Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
