if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I need water and some morals
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
