I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
