No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
