I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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