Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
