I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
