you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just high enough for therapy.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
