Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
