I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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