oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
