he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
