I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Holy sore nipples Batman
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
