Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
