Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
