dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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