Umm I'm too high to move.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The adults are the big ones right?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize