I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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