Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Farmville is her only friend.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
