The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Randomize
