i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
this just has baby written all over it
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize