You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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