yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
