I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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