my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
