So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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