cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
