Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize