You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
