im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
