The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
