I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
