This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize