i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
