I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
