Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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