The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
