A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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