Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
