Everything about him screamed your future.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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