Just fell off a train. Bad.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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