She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
