i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Houston, we have a blender
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I didn't notice because vodka
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
