Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
