Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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