8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
