my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
