omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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