She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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