Swine flu. Run for my life!
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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