Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize