What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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