Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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