I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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