remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
