she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
