I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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