well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
