lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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