i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
